Myself: You Are Dismissed

Over the last week, I have had 4 people I am associated with to various degrees call me to express hurt and disgust at my internet presence. 

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Morning Wood: You have been Dismissed.

Meat Hat:

Morning Wood affects all men who don’t have to pop [Viagra] like its hot.

Sure, boners are cool, but they are not cool when peeing, at work, in class, driving, or waking up with strangers in alley ways. Read the rest of this entry »

Well Maintained Lawns: You Have Been Dismissed

This one mainly just applies to the Southwest. You see, in other parts of the country, where it like, rains and they have weather and stuff, having a nice, green, cleanly moved lawn is fairly easy to achieve. You rake leaves in the fall, pick weeds in the spring, and the result is a lovely lawn to complement your lovely house. And I mean, everybody appreciates a nice lawn, right?

The answer is no. Read the rest of this entry »

Religious Freaks: You have been Dismissed.

Meat Hat:

So you love God, Jesus, The Holy Ghost,  L. Ron, Joseph Smith, the spaghetti monster, Muhammad, Buddah, (insert Hindu god here), thats great, you can all agree on loving something completely out of grasp. That is your glorious right as a human, you get to believe whatever you like. But when people choose not to believe in something celestrial the religious community’s holy boxing gloves come off to battle the non believers. Read the rest of this entry »

SCENE BANDS: You have been dismissed.

Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco, Cobra Starship, The Maine, Mayday Parade, Metro Station, Big City Kids, All Time Low, Hellogoodbye, you are all dismissed, and any band who sounds like you, looks like you, or wants to be like you.
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McDonalds of Quartzite, Arizona: You Have Been Dismissed

I enjoy a temporary roadside community as much as the next guy. So I was very excited to go to Quartzite, Arizona. Home of many rock and gem outlets, mobile pizza and taco establishments and a giant, pink structure that promised “cheap deals”.

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Ellen Page: You Have Been Dismissed

UGH.

OK we get it.  You’re good at playing a pretentious, smart ass, snob….or a precocious teen.  It’s sickening.  Enough already.

Stop being so cunty all the time. 

Lighten up.

Dismissed.

Southern California Edison: you have been dismissed

JerkStore:

I live in Southern California and we ONLY have one electric company to choose from. This means you have no options, no choices and when you have an issue… you have no one to turn to.

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Poker: You Have Been Dismissed

You were once the thing of legends. Whether it’s an old haggard Texas cowboy types or a suave middle easterner, your high stakes, backroom games weren’t for the faint of heart. You had to be a special person to be a professional gambler. Read the rest of this entry »

Trojan Brand Condoms: You Have Been Dismissed.

Question. Does anyone over 16 actually use Trojan’s anymore?  Worst. Condom. Ever.

How come they are the only condom manufacturer that has seemingly embraced the smell of rubber? Read the rest of this entry »