Giant SUV Owner: You Have Been Dismissed.

Desko Fipps:

Look, we get it. You own a giant car. But here’s the thing… its only you riding around in it. You’re not towing some horse trailer, transporting Special Olympics soccer team, and its not filled with gold bars that need to be buried out in the desert, so really, you just need a Chevy Aveo to drive around in, right? So why do I have to deal with you parking poorly, not being able to back out of a space at the grocery, and most importantly, give me dirty looks because I have a small sensible car to drive around in? I had 2 middle aged dudes give me nasty looks because I have a tiny little Honda hatchback that I zip around town in. You could tell they were like “Look at that fuck, being all wise and purchasing a car that fits his needs! I bet he doesn’t spend a fortune in gas, and can park that car with little to no effort! Just wait until he has to haul around some bags of concrete for a home improvement project!”

Look stupid Giant SUV Owner… its not 1980, we don’t care about how big your car is, or how much it cost. More than likely you are leasing it anyway, which proves that you’re a bigger dumbass than we had even anticipated. Go buy a 1988 Toyota Corolla and spend your savings on something important, like whatever middle aged dudes buy, prolly golf clubs or imported cigars. On the off chance that you need to haul a dead body out to a lake, just do the sensible thing: rent a car, get the insurance, put the body in the trunk, drive it out to the desert and light it on fire, after you pay a few meth heads to drive it out there for you. Done and done.

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