American Fashions; You Have Been Dismissed

Thats it, I have had enough. America, you are killing my boner. Fuck your homogenous bullshit denim. 

In other countries, getting dressed is a classy affair or at the very least funny. In France and Spain, you’ve got broads riding bikes down the street wearing chanel suits. Men understand that your shirt should have some goddamn buttons. Fuck, in Mexico people on the street are wearing shit from your closet from 20 years ago and making it look 1,000 times fresher than anything you see on the streets of LA. In Japan, nobody gives a fuck if you dress up like a giant undead baby with a parasol and compared to the bullshit I saw at the mall today its tougher than charles bronson.

In America, we want to be comfortable. Sweat pants, sports jerseys, flip flops,dresses made out of t-shirts. Its like we’re all waiting for narcolepsy to hit. Raise your hand if you own “eating pants”. Yeah, thats what I thought. Put your hands down in shame motherfuckers and burn your directions to home town buffet. 

Look, you can’t be comfortable AND hot. Unless you are naked all the time and in that case, send pics. So just fucking accept that to be human, you can’t be comfortable enough in your clothes to go to sleep in them. I’m sorry, thats just not the way things work. Put on some fucking trousers that aren’t made of denim, get some uncomfortable shoes and become acquainted with the third piece of the jacket and pants collecting dust at the back of your closet. Its called a vest, ass clowns, it goes over your shirt and under your jacket. It makes you look nice. Get used to it.

American fashions, you have made my people lazy and ugly. Until you get a clue, you are dismissed.

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