Car Alarms: You Have Been Dismissed.
Posted: December 8th, 2008 By: Neal | Under: Automobiles, Technology, dismissed | Tags: car alarms, hoopty, viper
So effective...
Here’s a little insight on how car thieves work: They grease the little guys at Mercedes and BMW, who in turn acquire the security codes for keyless ignitions, which are then uploaded into a little computer that will unlock and electronically start that 100,000 dollar car in a matter of seconds, like Ed Furlong at the ATM in T2. If they can do that, don’t you think they can probably maneuver around your ten-dollar, Chinese-import line of defense? Especially when your passenger window is stuck?
I know, I know, stolen cars are broken down for parts, and Toyota and Honda parts move the quickest because they’re the most in demand. But seriously amigo, nobody wants your ’89 Supra with the yellow Earl Scheib paint job, not even for parts. They’re from pep boys and incorrectly installed. And on the off chance a car thief with bad judgment rolls the dice on your hoopty, count on me sideline coaching them every step of the way. It’d be nice to sleep a night or two sans the 20+ siren serenade screaming from your knockoff Viper system every time a truck rolls by. In fact, every time that fucking thing goes off I’m praying there’s a thief in shining armor who steals ’89 Supras for the entropic irony of it all.
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I’m fairly sure there is a direct correlation between improperly installed pep boys parts and car alarm sensitivity.
I was across the parking structure from an eclipse that was cherried out with a sweet 2 tone Mako paint job, 40 inch rims with some rubber glued to the metal for the ultimate in low profile, sparkly lights everwhere and chrome where chrome did not belong.
When I shut my car door its alarm went off. Which is good because I was planning on stealing that sweet ride.
Back in college, there was this girl whose car alarm kept going off in her Jeep, which she parked right next to our dorm, and some guys on my floor opened up her hood and ripped it out of her car. Another time, I saw a friend kick in the headlights of a car outside of a club when its alarm kept going off (he was wearing steel-toed combat boots; this was back in the ’90s).
So that’s twice I’ve witnessed a car alarm actually result in rage-induced harm to the vehicle. If there’s irony there, though, I’m not smart enough to figure out what it is.