NuggNuts: You Have Been Dismissed

Posted: December 10th, 2008 By: Mr. Chicken Purse | Under: Advertising, Something I Ate | Tags: , , ,

What the fucking hell is wrong with McDonalds?

There is almost nothing that could keep me away from a delicious chicken McNugget. Not the senseless change from Styrofoam container to crappy cardboard (do you idiots not know that Styrofoam makes EVERYTHING taste better?), not revealing whats actually in them, not changing the number of them I can purchase in a single small order. No, what finally pried my cold dead hands away from god’s bite sized treat is that McDonalds now insists on referring to them as “Nugg Nuts” or “Nuggs” for short.

Take a second now. This is hard to process. A multi billion dollar company that sells food (FOOD!) to people who eat food has decided to name one of thier beloved products something I wouldn’t even call my scrote because it would make me never want to touch it again. I don’t know much about branding but I do know that if you are re-branding an already popular, well loved product you don’t fucking give it the most disgusting name you can think of! Imagine what the meeting where the fucktards in McDonald’s marketing department came up with this bullshit must have been like:

Complete Idiot #1 ” Chicken McNuggets need a new name, they just aren’t ‘cool’ anymore”.

Complete Idiot #2 ” Yeah, they need a name that people can throw around on the street and like carve into the seat in front of them on buses”

Complete Idiot #3 ” How about urban surprise?”

Complete Idtiot #1 “No way, that’s too academic”

Complete Idiot #3 “what about just shortening it to ‘nuggets’

complete idiot #2 “I got it, ‘nugg nuts’. As in, ‘yo, gimme a 20 of those nugg nuts bitch’.

Everybody high 5s, I throw up in my mouth whenever I hear the phrase “nugg nuts”.

McDonalds, I don’t hate you the way other people do. I don’t blame you for making me fat, I don’t fault you for being so damn delicious. But get a goddamn clue. NuggNuts, you have been dismissed.

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7 Comments on “NuggNuts: You Have Been Dismissed”

  1. #1 meat hat said at 3:32 pm on December 10th, 2008:

    Barely food deserve a barely name.

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  2. #2 Slut Cake said at 4:48 pm on December 10th, 2008:

    The time I will stop eating these pressed chicken skin deep fried chunks of beauty will never come.

    I don’t care if they call them Shit Covered Hairy Nutsacks That You Jam in Your Mouth Because you Love Shit Covered Hairy Nutsacks. I will eat them till the end of time.

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  3. #3 bacon dumpling said at 7:06 pm on December 10th, 2008:

    Dr. Bacon Dumpling, who surprisingly lives at the same address as a McDonald’s store in Barstow, CA. wrote the following email to McDonalds. It’s quite fun, and I am sure they appreciate getting a Doctor’s perspective:

    Nuggnuts. Are you out of your minds? I know that somewhere in your corporation, someone is slapping their palm to their forehead at the foolishness of this all. Is one of the younger, hip, advertising execs sleeping with the clown? Nugg-Nuts. Does that sound like something you want to put in your mouth? Is it not enough that children today can’t spell simple words like “you” without abbreviating “u”, or “for” without simply inserting the number “4″, so you figure what the hell, even these college bound retards won’t ever notice that we figured “nuggets” was too much of a challenge. At this point in my correspondence I had 911 characters remaining, which is fitting because NuggNuts are the 9/11 of food items. My God, do you want to live in a world where we have to order “Crispy Dicks” and “Chocorhea Swirlies”? Are you so unsure of your products that you will allow your wives and daughters to have their names changed to LadyMcSlutsAlot just because the urban crowd might think it’s cool and you can sell a few more .99 cent food items to them? Look, I know I should expect a whole lot of integrity from a business who’s spokesperson is a clown, but I am embarrassed for the actual people behind your corporate facade who have to go home at night, knowing that they allowed the most stupidly horrendous business decision of all time to happen on their watch. McDonalds, you have been DISMISSED.

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  4. #4 slowXone said at 10:55 pm on December 10th, 2008:

    McDonald’s hot mustard is a top competitor on my condiment fridge door hall of fame. As long as they dont mess with the mustard, who cares?

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  5. #5 shortBus said at 5:34 am on December 11th, 2008:

    although i loved your rant. i believe you are miss informed. we (collectively as a society) will still be calling them McNuggets. a NuggNut is person who is fanatical about McNuggests. see what they did there. you are not a nugget you are a NuggNut, you are nuts for nuggets. they will now and for the forceable future remain those crispy fried delicious tasty morsels you know and love called the chicken McNugget

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  6. #6 me said at 4:57 pm on December 11th, 2008:

    I thought you were kidding. There’s no way a huge corporation would name their 2nd most popular menu item “Deep Fried Gonads”. I went to their site and they have! Disgusting! http://www.nuggnuts.com/

    The photo of the bride & groom biting into a nut makes me want to puke.

    What’s next? Rename the BigMac BigAssCrack?

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  7. #7 bacon dumpling said at 2:58 pm on December 12th, 2008:

    I, or uh, Dr. Bacon Dumpling, got this response today:

    Hello Bacon:

    Thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald’s about one of our commercials.

    We’re sorry you were disappointed with this commercial. We take pride in producing commercial messages that will be enjoyed. We certainly never intended for it to offend anyone. Your comments have been shared with our advertising staff and independent advertising agency who work together to develop our commercials. Please know your feedback is helpful and will be considered in the future planning of our commercials.

    Again, thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us. Your trust and confidence in our company’s tradition of producing high quality advertising are important to us.

    Jennifer
    McDonald’s Customer Response Center

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