Gym Douche: You have been dismissed
Posted: December 14th, 2008 By: Womb Raider | Under: Bad Girls, Style, dismissed, people | Tags: Douche, Ego, Pseudo-Gay“Can I work in there?!”
gym douche
No! You’re dripping sweat through your weird microfiber super-hero style ‘workout gear’. You make really awful guttural groaning noises when you ‘rip on your delts’. And; EVERY OTHER MACHINE IS AVAILABLE!
Seriously, go drip somewhere else! Why do you want to use MY machine? Why do you want to get in MY ‘zone’?
As it is, you take up way too much of my visual landscape. I don’t know who is more distracted by your biceps, me, or your reflection. In either case you are clearly showcasing them for our enjoyment. Or so you think.
Here’s what we’re both thinking:
“Um, where’s his neck?”
“Ew. Veins.”
“Oooh, shit he makes ugly faces.”
“Is he really listening to ‘Snap’?”
While you’ve been sitting on that machine for the past 10 minutes doing nothing but staring at your triceps, the rest of us are just trying to keep fat at arms length. Oh, I’m sure you’re sore from the 6 sets by 20 reps of wood chops you just did, but all the flexing and repressed hero worship is really exhausting to watch.
You are like a black hole of ego. The closer you get to your reflection the deeper into the void you go.
It’s true… You look good. Kinda. Muscle development is certainly an achievement. The 2 + hours a day, 4 – 6 times-a-week commitment it takes to look the way you do requires the kind of focus and discipline that many of us wish we had. But this does not make us a) jealous b) envious or c) attracted to you. Yet you parade around the gym with your junk wobbling back and forth in your nylon shorts as if this was the case.
My question is; why muscles? Why not split the difference and do some brain crunches. Nevermind. You can’t see the results with that kind of exercise.
I guess I just wish you could see is the results of your self-sexual tension on those around you. You make us uncomfortable.
But I don’t blame you. You’re not alone. You’re in your element.
Shit, let’s take care of your friends too. The rest of the gym-goers that make a trip to 24 hour fitness seem like a descent into Dante’s Inferno.
Yoga Lady with Giant Camel-toe…
Lethargic 70 year old Plastic Surgery Lady with AM/FM Headset…
Cardio Obsessed Stationary Machine Guy…
Tabloid Readin’ Treadmill Walkin’ Slut…
Lecherous 50’something Gay Cruiser…
Back-hair Tank-top Guy…
And, last but certainly not least… Gym Douche; You have been dismissed!
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See what you get for trying to get in shape? World of Warcraft is way better than gym douche.
To the fatty that wrote this i’m sorry you feel this way. I’m sorry you feel so bad about yourself that you must focus on other people at the gym instead of the intended use of the facility, which is to work out. I’m sorry that we work on different muscle groups on different days so we take up one machine for a long time, as you said, EVERY OTHER MACHINE IS AVAILABLE! I’m sorry that we feel good enough about ourselves that we show our bodies off and yes, we do enjoy checking ourselves out because we want to see those results that we’ve been looking for. So if you really hate it that much, don’t look, focus on your own exercise, or get a fucking home gym alright?