Girl Band Names: You Have Been Dismissed.

Posted: January 17th, 2009 By: Oedipus Red | Under: dismissed

Why do chick-oriented bands always have to have a chick reference in their name, or imply it somehow? God, I HATE that.  It’s like saying “Pussy for sale, folks! 

the-donnas2

We’re a novelty and aren’t we ironic?  Seriously, we can play awesomely….we want you to know that we have snatches, just so you know.  Come see how hot we might be while we play.”  Or, “We’re trying to prove ourselves and are tired of hearing how ‘you’re purdy good….for gurls’ and now we have a chip on our shoulders because of it and are gonna market ourselves that way therefore buying into your idiotic women-hating culture by luring you to our shows via the idea of our musky love boxes emitting ultimate power over you once you realize that we can play or outplay you musically and leave you defeated and subservient”.

You know folks, I’m not an idiot…pussy sells, and especially young pussy, so there’s some dolla bills to made from that ya’ll.  Right.

But fucking stop it.  Girl band names…you are dismissed.

Especially names that must include some form of bitch or kitty kat reference (no, no – I get it! Kitties mean pussy…haha.  Oh wait, that’s not a new metaphor)  I mean, you don’t see guy bands calling themselves Cock Boy Three or Lords Of Ballsac (well, maybe in West Hollywood).

If you’re trying to be anything feminist or humanist by doing that, you have to start by not thinking of yourself as JUST a chick.  You’re alive.  You’re human.  You’re not a penis OR a vagina.  You think you’re a feminist by treating a guy like shit because he’s treated chicks like shit?  You’re being an even bigger dick than he is – which is obviously pretty small.

I like you and respect where you’re coming from, but stop defining yourselves by your genitals and just rock, ok?  Or, at least make it funny, like The Slits or The Muffs….or political, like Bikini Kill.  Or just fucking cool, like L7.

Some famous and not-so-famous examples:

Kittie
The Donna’s
Vixen
Girlschool
Go Betty Go
Betty Blowtorch (cool as they are…)
Go-Gos
Pussycat Dolls (I know, they are the farthest from rock, but also the best example)
Rock Goddess
Rock Dolls
Lunachicks
Matriarch
Band She
It’s Me Margaret  (oh, the horror of naming a band after that…)
A Pretty Mess
Medaeval Babes
Rockbitch
Bitch
Some Girls
Sugababes
Broadzilla

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