I know you don’t have a theme song as catchy as Subways, and your fucked up little hamster abortions are long gone, but your Million Sub giveaway isn’t going to help you win over new customers.
I don’t eat at Jack in the Crack but I have always, always loved their logo. Even before I knew about typography, I just loved it. The ligature “o-x” in Box. C’mon, sooooooo good. Fuckin’ thing is tilted like 20 degrees, perfect. Now enter, this update of suckiness. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Beef Jerky-
You’re gross, I fucking hate you!
No wait. I’m sorry. That is a pathetic lie. Not so much the HATE thing, more the GROSS thing. You are a lot of things, you are certainly not gross. Read the rest of this entry »
Don Wildman just drips with gross. Watching him on screen sends me rolling aound the house infected with Douche Shivers. How can this dude, act the roll of someone worth watching and then act it so poorly? Who is the real Don Wildman? Why is he trying to be a modern day Don Draper trolling under old cities? His only credential is being an actor. Shit, anyone with an english accent would be more credible then this tick.
I know this is probably redundant, because dismissing you is so obvious it hurts, but OH, for the love of GOD, you fixed gear bicycle riders in the city. You’re so tough…defiantly helmet-free, death wish in your pocket, NO FEAR. Playing chicken with cab drivers, flipping off anyone and everyone who dares get in your way, sneering through your Ray-Bans at the pathetic city bike with the handbrakes (psshhh, so ’98) stopping next to you at the signal (when you can be bothered to obey traffic signals, that is). Read the rest of this entry »
The world can’t keep catering to the stupid people. It’s time to be smart.
Dear Tyler Perry-
What is your fucking problem? That is a rhetorical Q for u. Here are a few questions I would like answered, if you don’t mind and are able to find a few moments between shitting out more stereotypical brainless bullshit and cashing checks from networks and studios.
WHAT? What is your fucking prob-oh. I already said that.
WHAT? What kind of horse spit are you going to come up with next? Read the rest of this entry »
The other day I was out eating sushi, in a fairly nice place, the kind of place where I wouldn’t have (or shouldn’t have) been allowed in until I was at least 30 and learned how to behave myself, and seated at the table next to me is this little cuss of a bastard with his hot Mom, out on a weekly date. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s that last little piece of morning and relaxation that you have before you rise miserably from your comfortable slumber and hobble off to a cubicle for the next 10 hours. Read the rest of this entry »
The New Balance shoe, loved by hipsters and runners alike, is a secret communist organization trying to bring down America from the bottom up. As any good American should, I prefer my footwear to be made in America. This is a rumor that New Balance is spreading but with a little hard core investigating (or googling) I will reveal the truth. Read the rest of this entry »