Neighbors: Fuck off and mind your own buisness, You have been dismissed.
Posted: February 5th, 2009 By: meat hat | Under: dismissed | Tags: neighbors, nosey neighbors, tagging
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.”
What is it with bottom feeder neighbors that makes them think they can write me anonymous letters telling me how to run my life, my tenants and my property? It makes me want to re paint my house with papermache ass holes.
My whole adult life I’ve been plauged by neighbors. I’m not someone who wants to be a hermit, I’m someone who wants people to stay the fuck out of my bees wax.
Sure, I had parties. I got letters to prove it.
I’ve had people over for movies in the backyard, I got letters to prove it.
Recently, my house has the distinctive honor of being tagged. It wasn’t a nice mural, it was chicken scratch bullshit tagging. Guess, what, I fucking got a letter to prove it.
All these fucking letters are anonymous, and I can’t wait til the day I catch this cunt neighbor leaving me fairy bullshit advice on how to run my property. Sadly, I think its different people every time. The note clearly stated that I cover up the Graffiti at once to send a message to the dip shit kid who tagged up the block that we won’t tolerate it.
Funny, I had plans to take the graffiti off my home, but now. fuck it. I’m leaving it up, I’m thinking about framing it.
I’ve had shit neighbors in the past when I was renting apts. But that usually was due to them being over weight, yelling different languages and being murdered in their residence. They never really took to telling me how to live my life by anonymous letters.
When not getting letters from neighbors I get stink eye, I get mushroom induced interpretive dances from a burning man princess and bitter old gay men asking to see my bank statements. I was always told growing up, Never get to know your neighbors, I wish I had taken this advice.
To neighbors everywhere, Shut the fuck up. You are dismissed.
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| 5 Comments »
I love that you got reprimanded because someone graffiti’s the front of your house. Neighbors need to at least have the balls to sign their names on their letters. Fuck this shame you into submission game with their anonymous letters of reprimand.
It’s like they think their living in some mindless tasteless neighborhood in Orange County! Neighbors need to mind their own fuckin’ beeswax!!!
Wow. A very adult entry. Owning land n’ sech. Good for you!
I was told there was an American Dream, turns out its an American Nightmare.
We have nosey bastard neighbours who write us letters for being “too vocal during lovemaking”. If they weren’t constantly skulking under our bedroom window on purpose they wouldn’t hear us in the first place. We now have ridiculously loud, over-the-top sex just to piss them off.
Do you by chance yell, “IM CUMMMMMMING” over and over for 8 minutes straight? I had a neighbor who did this and it was hilarious.