Valentine’s Day Is Dismissed! How original!
Posted: February 13th, 2009 By: Dinkydoo | Under: dismissed | Tags: Appreciating Your Girlfriend, Flavored Condoms, Greeting Card Conspiracies
Dear Saint Valentine-
Fuck you, dude! I don’t know who canonized your ass or what you did to deserve it, but your feast fucking blows man.
I know this rant is not the most original thing in the world; a guy talking shit about Valentine’s Day and the hassles that can go with. I FUCKING KNOW. FUCK YOU, TOO!
Look. Valentine’s Day in this country is entirely devoted to and perpetuated by homely pathetic women and we all get sucked into it. Well, not me of course. I am sexually repulsive.
Ladies! You already “get” 4 gift-y, appreciation-y holidays a year:
1.(The week before, during and after) YOUR BIRTHDAY (hooray for YOU! YOU are a goddess! A uniquely beautiful and great-smelling gift from god! Thank you for being fucking born and allowing me to spend time (and my money) with you during your birthday month!!!? THANK YOU!!!?! DAAAAHHHHH!?!!?!)
2. Mother’s Day (fine.)
3. Christmas.
4. Secretary Day.
Not enough gifts and special attention for you, ladies? You need more shit, do you? More brainless generic gestures to keep stringing you along? Wonderful! No sweat.
Everybody’s out and about on February 14th…can’t get a goddamned table at my favorite Olive Garden to save my fucking life….everybody dressed up to the 8’s. Shoving their fat housewife feet into expensive shoes and wearing make-up, looking all proud of themselves for not being ALONE. The princess of the fucking Love Ball! Congratulations, lady! You’re a real catch and the proof is in the seasonally-priced flowers you’re carrying around and the free meal you’ll be enjoying. Make sure to keep that proud loving smirk on your face, you cow….that’s what this bullshit is all about isn’t it. See you next year! 10 pounds heavier and with the same poor slob as the Valentine’s Day previous. He loves you so much, you wonderful one-in-a-billion precious gift, you. Fuck you!
God help you if you kind of like somebody you happen to be seeing during January and into (gulp) February.
Maybe I’m just bitter.
Maybe I’m just cheap? FUCK YOU!! I don’t care! Valentine’s Day: You Are Dismissed!
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Since I am from the home of the corporate HQ of American Greetings, I got little sympathy for you, sailor. You never had to deal with “Sweetest Day”. (A made up holiday that’s tantamount to Valentines and happens sometime around October. Only celebrated in NE Ohio.)
I sure had a good Valentine’s Day, though. My roommates got wasted and argued about guns. I thought of getting one and offing myself.