Bristol Palin not sitting on my face: Dismissed.

Posted: May 6th, 2009 By: Dinkydoo | Under: dismissed | Tags: , , ,

bristol

Oh Bristol. Bristol, my sweet Bristol. Look at you. You’re a fox. You’re well-bred, totally eighteen, have totally rocking tits, crazy life experience AND conviction. Kudos to you! You tell ‘em! Don’t let them make the same mistake(s) you’ve made in your young life. I wonder what your scars look like…
Don’t go fucking dumb jocks! No way, jose! Marry those dumb jocks, THEN let them fuck you in the cooter and THEN have their babies. That’s the message our privileged popular high school girls need to hear, Bristy. God damn it I love you. Your feet firmly on the ground, you. Shit, you’re so fucking hot…
Sure, you’re a tad on the self-righteous side, but that’s okay. Maybe you’re a mindless zombie. Haven’t decided that, yet. Don’t have all of the info I’d like to have to make that sort of character evaluation. I’d like more data, if you wouldn’t mind meeting me for dinner. Or maybe a couple of drinks in Canada? I’ll meet you in Edmonton, drinks on me. How’s that sound? Christ…you are so much hotter than your mom. She isn’t really hot at all, I don’t think. You’re amazing…

You can tell me all of your thoughts and “your” opinions on all of that whateverthefuck it is you’re thinking about these days. Your son/daughter/whatever it is and how much you love it, but also how you wish you would have waited to have sex and thusly get pregnant and thusly reproduce because…uh….of….er….whatever it is you wish you could be doing now if you didn’t have that little tit-nibbler to carry around everygoddamnedwhere you go. I want to be close to  you…
If it sounds as though I am patronizing you, please do not misunderstand me and my tone my dear beautiful Bristol. I love you for your mind, without question. I want to hear all of that shit, I really do. I know you care about stuff or whatever. So much you have to spout it out! Start a fucking campaign, for the love of sweet cripes’ sake! I will love you down so hard…

I am so proud of you for not murdering your unborn precious bastard giftcurse. I want to know more about you. Let me INSIDE YOU, Bristol! I want to just poke around in there. In that fresh young beautiful mind of yours. Good god in heav’n, yes! What you think America’s poor, angry and confused youth should be doing with their bodies. Tell me the what’s and why’s. You’re an angel, I swear to fucking god…

Oh, fuck it. I can’t hide it anymore. I don’t care what you fucking think, baby. I just want to get my hands all over those rockin’ sweater cows and taste what’s doing downstairs, if you know what I mean. No penetration! No penetration, I promise. We’ll take it slow and easy, darling honey. If you want to put your hands down my pants, that’s your business…actually I doubt you give a good handjob (yet)….so how’s about we just masterbate ourselves and watch each other from across the couch? I think that could be fun and an enlightening experience for you, as I doubt those jocks you’ve let fuck you have given two shits about trying to get you off. Blowing their load 5 inches deep while in the back of their parents’ SUV, or whatever it is you retard Alaskan hicks do to fuck when you’re 17 years old. Those guys are all assholes. I really care about you…

Wait. I’ll bet you don’t masterbate. Didn’t think about that. Well, how about we just talk some more and see what happens? Don’t tell your mom. She won’t get it. She doesn’t appreciate how mature you are like I do. You should be sitting on my face. SLIME ME!

What’s the hang-up, baby? I’m not like those other cock-brained teenagers you’ve had inside of you. I’m here to take care of your needs. We’re going to have a good time, you can relax and enjoy your sexy little self. Precious little Obediah’s (or Ezekial or Ruth or whatever its name is) at grandma’s mansion. We’re good to go.  Saddle up!

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3 Comments on “Bristol Palin not sitting on my face: Dismissed.”

  1. #1 sonotlikeyou said at 6:02 pm on May 8th, 2009:

    uuuuuuh thats some dope writing… this shit is of the chizang ma nizang… brutal dis-missal…wooohooooo

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  2. #2 NappyKathy said at 3:41 pm on June 20th, 2009:

    this blog is dismissed!

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  3. #3 dasmokeguy said at 12:38 pm on August 28th, 2010:

    Idk what was your inspiration, besides your obvious infatuation with her, this is fucking hilarious, You need a vh1 show

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