Future of Film: Will you have to be dismissed?

It has been a little over a hundred years since human kind has enjoyed motion pictures. This incredible industry that rose out of the innovation of motion cameras has captivated us in theaters, at home with the invention of the Television and now on our futuristic pocket phone devices. Films teach us about the world, they challenge our imaginations, our emotions and our intellect. So why are films so fucking shitty these days? Read the rest of this entry »

Kanye West: I’ve packed your bags, you have been dismissed.

I’ve done the hard part, now you just walk away.

Donuts: People who bring them to work You have been dismissed.

First of all I understand that people are trying to be nice by bringing in donuts to the office environment. But seriously I think they are all fucked in the head. They bring in delicious donuts to say thanks for all the hard work. However, take a look next time at the people who bring them in; They are skinny, they bring these in to temp everyone tipping the scale to watch them drown in their own sugary fried delight. Read the rest of this entry »

Neighbors: Fuck off and mind your own buisness, You have been dismissed.

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.”

What is it with bottom feeder neighbors that makes them think they can write me anonymous letters telling me how to run my life, my tenants and my property? It makes me want to re paint my house with papermache ass holes. Read the rest of this entry »

Ashton Kutcher: Boo fucking Hoo, You are dismissed.

Can you believe it? Can you believe what Ashton has to put up with? Shit, my heart really goes out to you Ashton, I really hope you tear that rich neighbor a new asshole.

FAR: You Have Been Dismissed.

FAR what the fuck? While doing research for dismissing KROQ 106.7 FM (coming soon) I’ve heard this song that I swear sounds like Nickelback  singing about being horny and riding on his pony. (listen here)

The song makes me want to crash my car, find the singer and make him pay for it.  Each time the song was over, they play it non stop,  they kept saying. “that was Far.”  I kept thinking, who took over Far’s name, and then tainted the airwaves with this shit? Then I prayed it was a band called Farm, just like always, my prayers were unanswered. Read the rest of this entry »

Peta: You have been dismissed.

Peta listen up, sex isn’t saving animals. Objectifying women only worked for Princes’ career, it doesn’t save cows. Read the rest of this entry »

College: You have Been Dismissed.

Meat Hat:

College; what a great distraction from the real world you were. You were expensive, full of horny lustful girls, testosterone crazy dudes, booze and a class or two. Read the rest of this entry »

Family E-Mail list: You have been Dismissed.

Photo is Hudson River Landing. Aka: Bullshit Sacto Bee Cartoon.

I shit you not, I got this from my Father Meat Hat in a family email. It upset me so much I almost started drawing god hands in horrible photos from the Iraq war. I thought about Jesus hands clapping at the Tsunami and a nice pad on the back to Ex President W. Bush.   Why do families send email? Isn’t it enough we have to see each other at X-mas and funerals? Enough with cute family email, take me off your list, you are dismissed.

Tennis: You Have Been Dismissed.

Tennis you are for old white crusty people. Wikipedia told me, “Tennis can be played by anyone who can hold a racket, including people in wheelchairs.” I find this information to be bullshit.  I played my first game yesterday. Aside from sucking at tennis, I also sucked at tennis.  Tennis, You are my enemy for now. You are dismissed until further notice.