Quiznos “free” subs: You are Dismissed.

I know you don’t have a theme song as catchy as Subways, and your fucked up little hamster abortions are long gone, but your Million Sub giveaway isn’t going to help you win over new customers.

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Jack in the Box: You Have Been Dismissed

I don’t eat at Jack in the Crack but I have always, always loved their logo.  Even before I knew about typography, I just loved it.  The ligature “o-x” in Box.  C’mon, sooooooo good.  Fuckin’ thing is tilted like 20 degrees, perfect.  Now enter, this update of suckiness. Read the rest of this entry »

Billy Mays: You are dismissed.

Dear Billy Mays,
What is your deal? You are always shouting at me proclaiming you’ve just discovered something so amazing it will change the way humans live their lives. The product could be completely life altering, however your ear numbing sales pitch completely negates the products usefulness.

Billy, you’re like that guy that stands outside 7-11 ringing a bell asking you to donate money. Except replace the ringing bell with an annoying, blue shirt wearing, bearded, screaming douche face. Nothing is more un-motivating, than having some bear-man yell at you to buy something you know you don’t need like: OxiClean, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Engrave It, Handy Switch, Mighty Ment-it, Mighty Putty, The Ding King or the Big City Slider Station. You’re screaming commercials at me like a gorilla on a 4 day meth binge that is about to be tranquilized.

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The Tramp Stamp: You Been Dismissed.

They are called many things around the world; Arse Antlers, Slag Tags and CA license plates, but they’ll always be the tramp stamp to me, a real road map to sadness. Read the rest of this entry »

Shepard Fairey: You Have Been Dismissed.

Take a look at this video. See Shepard Fairey there, sneeringly yammering on about how punk rock he is? Now tell me you honestly don’t want to punch him in the face. I realize he’s an easy target, given what a grandiosely pompous douchebag he is. But I’m just so rebellious and independent I can’t resist. Read the rest of this entry »

Brokencyde: Dismissed or Not Dismissed?

Watch this till the end, then read on.

I just learned of these mexi generational trend hounds called Borkencyde yesterday. While at first I must admit, I was ready to slap their presents immediately straight out of my face, but then, I was so entranced by how off the rails this was I had to investigate further, which of course confused me more.  Read the rest of this entry »

NuggNuts: You Have Been Dismissed

What the fucking hell is wrong with McDonalds?

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Trojan Brand Condoms: You Have Been Dismissed.

Question. Does anyone over 16 actually use Trojan’s anymore?  Worst. Condom. Ever.

How come they are the only condom manufacturer that has seemingly embraced the smell of rubber? Read the rest of this entry »

Digital Billboards; You Have Been Dismissed.

(this post is not dismising  the artist skull phone, he is still up for dismissing however)

Meat Hat:

With the blessing of Tivo and Dvr’s we are now able to negate some advertising in our own homes. This however is pushing advertisers to the streets.  While billboards have always been a blight on our cultures landscape they didn’t use to torch the night sky with miscolored bleak advertising with bullet speed refresh rates.

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