City Fixed-Gear Riders: You Have Been Dismissed

I know this is probably redundant, because dismissing you is so obvious it hurts, but OH, for the love of GOD, you fixed gear bicycle riders in the city. You’re so tough…defiantly helmet-free, death wish in your pocket, NO FEAR. Playing chicken with cab drivers, flipping off anyone and everyone who dares get in your way, sneering through your Ray-Bans at the pathetic city bike with the handbrakes (psshhh, so ’98) stopping next to you at the signal (when you can be bothered to obey traffic signals, that is). Read the rest of this entry »

Flat-Billed Hats: You have been dismissed.

I love hats.  They’re great for a ton of useful things like hiding a fucked up hair cut from Super Cuts.  What I hate, are flat-billed hats and the people that wear them.  Who are you? Fucking Charlie Brown?

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2008: You Have Been Dismissed. [Get To Know The Writers] A MUST READ!

2008 is full of dismissible Things and events, let the group of dismissed writers break it down for you. Read the rest of this entry »

“The Dress”: You Have Been Dismissed

I want to repeatedly stab myself in the eyes every time I see a girl
wearing one of these. Read the rest of this entry »

Crocs: You have seriously been dismissed.

Earlier today I saw a guy wearing red track suit pants, a cowboy hat, and purple Crocs. I literally felt like my head was going to explode. Read the rest of this entry »

Brokencyde: Dismissed or Not Dismissed?

Watch this till the end, then read on.

I just learned of these mexi generational trend hounds called Borkencyde yesterday. While at first I must admit, I was ready to slap their presents immediately straight out of my face, but then, I was so entranced by how off the rails this was I had to investigate further, which of course confused me more.  Read the rest of this entry »

Headbands; You Have Been Dismissed

I went to a show a few weeks ago, and the newest big thing out of Silverlake was playing. They sort of one-upped the old band trick of having a hot girl play keyboards, by having two hot girls play keyboards. Both of these broads were wearing little tiny leather headbands. They looked like LARPERS from a Never Ending Story specific universe.

When I went to find photos on the internets about headbands, I found this piece of copy which really states the argument for dismissal better than I ever could:

“Wearing headbands is the easiest way to obtain a hippie chic. Many celebs from Elle Machperson to Mischa Barton, Ashley Simpson and Nicole Richie were seen wearing this instant style piece. You can team up the headband with a pair of wide leg jeans and bohemian tunic or kaftan. Another way to look the ultimate glam hippy is pairing the headband with a flowy maxi dress.”

Flowy and maxi are not two words I would ever put together unless I was talking about cunt gravy, which only happens on Easter Sunday. But I digress, the point is, Fuck You and your stupid headband. You have been dismissed.

American Fashions; You Have Been Dismissed

Thats it, I have had enough. America, you are killing my boner. Fuck your homogenous bullshit denim. 

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Men’s Casual Leather Jacket: You Have Been Dismissed.

Men’s Casual leather jackets had their hay day back in the 90’s. Men got laid in them at frat parties. Men baptized their baby’s at church sporting these bad ass fuckers . Shit, these rags were city issued at Hollywood industry get-togethers. Read the rest of this entry »

Half Socks: You Have Been Dismissed.

What is the deal with half socks? Is the extra length too much effort to stitch on? Is the point to show off your awesome ankles? Does that extra couple of inches restrict your movements too much? Half socks your purpose is a mystery to me.
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