ShamWow Guy – Already Dismissed.

Posted: April 14th, 2009 By: Oedipus Red | Under: Celebrity, Entertainment, Hookers, Infomercials, TV, dismissed, people

'I can't do this all day, people...'
‘I can’t do this all day, people…’

I was freakily drawn to watching those commercials….his one good eye emptily staring you down through your television, the 80s reject-frat boy haircut, and the unbelievably corny, over-the-top sales pitch coming from in between the horsey teeth.  An admittedly sad obsession, but I loved it when those freakin’ ShamWow advertisements came on.  And I always wondered in my mind…’who would fuck this guy, for reals?’

This week I found out, when Mr. ShamWow (aka Vince Shlomi aka Vince Offer) was arrested for beating a hooker, HIS hooker.  Because she supposedly bit his tongue while they were, uh, embracing.  (get thought out of head NOW!  *shiver*).  All of those nifty little super doo-rags Aunt Crotchety bought so that she could better wipe up Grandpa’s Depends overflows all went to Shammy (he’s a celebrity now, gotta have a nickname) buying hookers and staying in expensive luxury resorts. 

'Where are those fucking ShamWows when you need one'?

'Where are those fucking ShamWows when you need one'?

And did you know that he’s in ‘the film business’ too?  He’s sued everyone from 20th Century Fox to Anna Nicole Smith, claiming they stole parts of a film he made.  An ex-Scientologist, he even sued the church, alleging that ‘the church had declared him a criminal and had urged its members to commit libel against him’.  Wow, the more I know about him the more I’m sickeningly intrigued.  Man, if he wasn’t loser enough for the Scientologists to keep him around…

Way to go Shammy!  You must be one of those super motivated, non-stop salesmen whose rage is unleashed by dozens of shots of Jagermeister.

It’s gotta make you wonder, too, though…what the hell was he doing, that a PAID whore wanted to bite off his tongue?  Did he start to rub her down with ShamWows, did he start jacking off and then insist that she wipe up the mess with ShamWows?   Did he just start fucking a ShamWow in her face?

 

0327092sham1

Sad, sad, sad, Shammy – I don’t gotta dismiss you, you already done it yourself.  I’ll miss your infomercials, dude, in the most ashamed of ways.  They really sold themselves.

 

 

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Upcoming JenAn Movie: You Have Been Dismissed

Posted: January 17th, 2009 By: Oedipus Red | Under: Celebrity, Entertainment, Movies, dismissed, people | Tags: , , , , ,

jenan1

There is much scat to be had upon this vile beast known as Aniston. Jolie is a separate subject, but at least her fucked up psychology includes knives, creepy child obsession, lesbianism, blood fetishes and maybe even kissing her hot brother.  I can respect that.  But Jen An – you are dismissed.

 

I had to endure…nay…be tortured….with Aniston’s yet to be released creative wasteland entitled ‘Management’ . This was supposed to be a treat to us, as we were offered the entertainment value before the general public was allowed to view this gloriously empty and implausible landslide of a film.

 

Woody Harrelson couldn’t even save it, playing the evil punk rock boyfriend (of course! anyone friends with Joe Strummer is an asshole!!!  Well, at least in Rupert Murdoch’s opinion).  And yes, like any good old-school punk rock guy, he wants to marry a hot, mainstream, corporate, worked-out hottie chick who is extremely cold to him. Ah, punk rock guys…you truly all succumb to those girls that rejected you in high school and it’s a farce, ain’t it boys?

  Read the rest of this entry »

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Christian Entertainers; you have been dismissed

Posted: January 12th, 2009 By: Womb Raider | Under: Celebrity, Entertainment, Music, Religion, dismissed, people | Tags: http://www.vimeo.com/1768758

It takes talent to entertain people. Talent should not to be mistaken with ability or skill, which, like singing or playing piano can be learned. Real talent comes from being exceptionally good at something. Not marginally, or even modestly so.

The fear of being bad is what makes people good. You sad sacks should know that better than anyone. Read the rest of this entry »

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Gnome Hating: You Have Been Dismissed

Posted: January 11th, 2009 By: bacon dumpling | Under: Entertainment, MMORPG, Technology

083105_wow_carolinusFew things get me going like the gnome haters. What isn’t to love? Just look at that little guy! Let me break it down why gnomes are the best race in Azeroth: Read the rest of this entry »

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