Upcoming JenAn Movie: You Have Been Dismissed

There is much scat to be had upon this vile beast known as Aniston. Jolie is a separate subject, but at least her fucked up psychology includes knives, creepy child obsession, lesbianism, blood fetishes and maybe even kissing her hot brother.  I can respect that.  But Jen An – you are dismissed.

I had to endure…nay…be tortured….with Aniston’s yet to be released creative wasteland entitled ‘Management’ . This was supposed to be a treat to us, as we were offered the entertainment value before the general public was allowed to view this gloriously empty and implausible landslide of a film.

Woody Harrelson couldn’t even save it, playing the evil punk rock boyfriend (of course! anyone friends with Joe Strummer is an asshole!!!  Well, at least in Rupert Murdoch’s opinion).  And yes, like any good old-school punk rock guy, he wants to marry a hot, mainstream, corporate, worked-out hottie chick who is extremely cold to him. Ah, punk rock guys…you truly all succumb to those girls that rejected you in high school and it’s a farce, ain’t it boys?

  Read the rest of this entry »

The Tramp Stamp: You Been Dismissed.

They are called many things around the world; Arse Antlers, Slag Tags and CA license plates, but they’ll always be the tramp stamp to me, a real road map to sadness. Read the rest of this entry »

stuffed animals in cars: you have been dismissed

I see you, 45-year-old man driving by yourself in your mother (who you live with)’s borrowed car to go lurk on twelve year olds at the batting cages. It is totally depressing that the only form of self-expression you are capable of is to leave your faded-ass Garfield or Hello Kitty stuffed animals in the window of your car. SO MANY of them, too. Read the rest of this entry »

Christian Entertainers; you have been dismissed

It takes talent to entertain people. Talent should not to be mistaken with ability or skill, which, like singing or playing piano can be learned. Real talent comes from being exceptionally good at something. Not marginally, or even modestly so.

The fear of being bad is what makes people good. You sad sacks should know that better than anyone. Read the rest of this entry »

Party Lesbians; You Have Been Dismissed.

Click here to watch Dr. Meat Hat explain party lesbians.

Definition: Straight girls who make out in male dominated party situations.

I do judge a “good/bad movie”  by the amount of Party Lesbians it boasts (see. Lost Boys Lost Tribe). But in the real time world Party Lesbians are so starved for male testosterone attention they’ll go at it at parties just to get the attention their families never gave them. They want the benefits of attention without all the real pain it really takes to be a actual homosexual.

Read the rest of this entry »

Toilet Taggers: You Have Been Dismissed.

Toilet Seat Found at Malo in the Silverlake neighborhood of Los Angeles.

Listen up toilet seat taggers and listen good. Stop carving up my crap can. Read the rest of this entry »

2008: You Have Been Dismissed. [Get To Know The Writers] A MUST READ!

2008 is full of dismissible Things and events, let the group of dismissed writers break it down for you. Read the rest of this entry »

“The Dress”: You Have Been Dismissed

I want to repeatedly stab myself in the eyes every time I see a girl
wearing one of these. Read the rest of this entry »

Lucky & Superstitions: You Have Been Dismissed!

Superstition or superstitio is a Latin word for: Get a clue already asshole. Read the rest of this entry »

Sublime: You Have Been Dismissed.

Look Sublime; you made a few albums, congratulations. Now go the fuck away. Read the rest of this entry »