Cat Ass – You Are Dismissed

It’s that last little piece of morning and relaxation that you have before you rise miserably from your comfortable slumber and hobble off to a cubicle for the next 10 hours. Read the rest of this entry »

Homeless Person With Dog(s). You Are Dismissed.

This weekend I was having a wondrous time gallivanting in my Yuppiness when I came across a Homeless Woman with Two Puppies asking for change. Not only did this act shoot my La Perla Thong even further up my crack, but I actually got on my back and asked her to scratch my belly.  DO it lady.

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Littering: You Have Been Dismissed.

Sure, in third world countries they shit in the river and drink the same water downstream, and in South America they drain raw sewage into the ocean and throw their garbage on the sidewalk. And in the grand scheme of things, until we learn how to rocket trash barges into deep space, we’re all essentially shitting in our own nest, but for the love of god when I’m watching you throw three empty Starbucks Frappaccino cups and two Denny’s clamshells out of your car at a red light, I seriously want to set you on fire and piss down your throat. Who eats at Denny’s anyway?