Billy Mays: You are dismissed.

Dear Billy Mays,
What is your deal? You are always shouting at me proclaiming you’ve just discovered something so amazing it will change the way humans live their lives. The product could be completely life altering, however your ear numbing sales pitch completely negates the products usefulness.

Billy, you’re like that guy that stands outside 7-11 ringing a bell asking you to donate money. Except replace the ringing bell with an annoying, blue shirt wearing, bearded, screaming douche face. Nothing is more un-motivating, than having some bear-man yell at you to buy something you know you don’t need like: OxiClean, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Engrave It, Handy Switch, Mighty Ment-it, Mighty Putty, The Ding King or the Big City Slider Station. You’re screaming commercials at me like a gorilla on a 4 day meth binge that is about to be tranquilized.

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