Superstition or superstitio is a Latin word for: Get a clue already asshole. Stop saving your life on a slab of wood or a lucky charm bracelet. Multi-colored Marshmallow marbits are real, not the luck and fortune they bring small children for finding Lucky’s lost charms. Hey Lucky! I found them! Your charms are in the sweet spot of your Lucky Brand Jeans, here’s a dick kick to your charms! “Lucky you!”  The bullshit party’s over.

The internets have arrived and you can search the real truth about your old tales and lies. Superstitions and good luck charms? It’s called reality and it’s on wikipedia. And there’s another one, it’s revealed the truth about many other urban legends and myths before, it’s called snopes.com.  Find your way out, lad! You’re Not lost! You’re found! The past is the past, A horse shoe’s a horse shoe! We’ve played the game, let it go! You’re fortunes misfortunes are dead to us. There are more important things in life, like soft self-served frozen yogurt joints. Superstitious folklore is like old grandpa balls – no one wants to hear about it or see it.

We were taught these medieval demons hide in the form of clumsy spilled salt canisters or leaning ladders, and in most cases, small children. I believe that, watch out! and by “watch out”, I mean young loving couples, please stop making babies so I can sleep at night. That’s what CGI is for, It’s the future for small strange child actor elimination. We can computer generate and delete demon child when finished. We don’t need real ones anymore, real ones bring you many years of bad luck! Really, snip it or shut it!

Alright superstition, let me level with you, you’re a racist and an uncivilized shithead. Black cats unlucky? They are cute. But of course a helpless cute animal has now turned bad, because you are racist. What? Were all other colors not available at the time? Leave it alone. They’re are black! They’re feline! They’re are Pagan! And they have rights too!

You brought much joy to my school walks as a child, skipping and avoiding cracks, so I don’t break my mommas back? But, ummm, don’t you mean the crack that broke your mommas pipe?

You’re not a demon of poorly maintained  asphalt. The reality is, you’re a drug of home wrecking quality. It’s time we wake up. We don’t need to fear stories made up by our parents to trick us into doing good things.These home made tales made us more deviate. So stop spreading the lies.

Yes we know how retarded it sounds when you tried to spread your disease during the time of the plague, through un-blessed sneezes. But our ancestors had a simple solution – politely say “god bless you” or “bless you” and disease passes on by. Holy shit! I can’t believe that’s all it takes. Yeah right! More like shut up and cover your nose, gross fuck! Maybe if “blessing” really worked we could try it during organized sex orgies, “God Bless You!” and “God Bless You!” And “God Bless Your dick rash!” We could save the unwanted expense of prophylactics and the multiple visits to the STD clinic. If we could just gently touch each other after a simple  “blessing”, God Bless.

To sum it up, I hope our Irish proverb babbling parents taught us better than to believe in Christian propaganda folk lore. But I feel there are still some less fortunate who depend on luck to guide them through life. Bad luck/good luck bullshit has been passed along for far to long. It can end with the next gen’, don’t give in! While olds pollute the earth with their old traditions, smelly fiber farts and spaztic driving, some us have been learning some of lives lessons the real way – don’t do stupid shit and stupid shit will not happen. That’s on the DL. I’ve told you what’s not real, and I’ve told you the for real for real. You can’t touch it and I’m tired of hearing about it! Stop believing in false hope. Stop knocking on wood. If you continue to believe in superstition, your life will end up on a one way flight to the Ellen Show(hell)! If you don’t believe me, you’re probably a power bottom gay(sex hound) or a dumb 90 year old women! Please stop pushing superstitious medieval christian folklore, it’s old and tired! let it be buried with your smelly Ol’ Grandma.

What once was misunderstood is understood, “You’re a big pile of bullshit!”.
Lucky, you and your superstitious friends – Have been dismissed!

P.S. There are many other superstitions I did not cover, like 7 years bad luck for breaking a mirror, I’ve had 30 years bad luck without breaking a single mirror. Bloody mary! Bloody Mary! Bloody………. Mary! Tried it, she never came until I turned 21. It’s a delicious vodka and tomato juice fusion!

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