Coldplay: You Have Been Dismissed.

MakeYourBananaCry — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:52:57 +0000

People ask why I hate Coldplay? I say how can you like Coldplay? There is no redeeming value with this band. There are better versions of them out there so why go with the watered down when you can go with the full flavor. It’s like choosing Pepsi over Coke…why would you do that? I’ve always been suspicious of this band that I call the ‘poor man’s U2′ and some say the ‘poor man’s Radiohead’. Either way they just don’t work …something doesn’t smell right down Coldplay way.

The brightest and most shining turd of the band is of course their main offense: the unbearable, smug, dull, awkward, self righteous, arse kissed, twat, main man Chris Martin. He always looks like he has a cold. Get some rest and vitamins for fucks sake. He also has the most overused, irritating, little falsetto catch. In my version of hell Mariah Carey and him will do an album of duets that will play on permanent repeat forever. Pitchfork offered Chris Martin a ticket to hell. I’d like to pitch in on purchasing the ticket.

More reasons to dismiss Coldplay…

Their song Yellow. With lyrics like ‘You know I love you so. I swam across, I jumped across for you, Oh what a thing to do. Cos you were all yellow.’ I’m not sure how I would feel if someone wrote a love song for me comparing me to jaundice. Wtf? They’re called Coldplay, an appropriately named moniker which describes their sound perfectly: pale complexions and dead emotions. Coldplay stole their name from Tim Rice-Oxley, who had stopped using it for his own band as he considered it “too depressing.” Rice-Oxley was apparently invited to join Coldplay, but instead joined Keane. A better named band at least.

And the #1 reason to Dismiss Coldplay…

They blatantly stole a song. Yes my friends, their most annoying song to date ‘Viva La Vida’ is a rip off of a song called, ironically enough, ‘The Songs I Didn’t Write’ by a Brooklyn band named Creaky Boards. Apparently Chris Martin was even in the audience of one of their shows a year before Coldplay’s tune came out. See and hear further proof here.

So what more can be said about the band that the New York Times called ‘the most insufferable band of the decade’? Plenty! But I’ve said enough for them to be DISMISSED!

Meat Hat:

I once went to a Cold Play Concert in 2002 in Los Angeles. The people had drank the kool aid on this hack band. I was surrounded by fat girls, fat girls that fall for gay guys because gay guys actually talk to them. People only knew the Yellow song, and when that came on, shit boy, the whole crowd hugged, cheer’d, pee’d themselves and the dude, layed all over his piano telling me to open the boarders for free trade. Beyond that day, I tuned out Coldplay and recently heard he and some old GF of Ben Afleck gave birth to an apple? WTF.

Stop stealing stuff, stop having apples and do the world a favor. Go Away. Dismissed.

Stop Eating Tacos:

I hate whining. I hate man babies and I hate people who don’t take responsibility for thier actions. You do not name your child after fruit. That is irresponsible. Thanks for clearing up the yellow song for me. I always thought the dude was just super into asians. Dismissed

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dismissedblog » Creaky Boards

Coldplay: You Have Been Dismissed.