You were once the thing of legends. Whether it’s an old haggard Texas cowboy types or a suave middle easterner, your high stakes, backroom games weren’t for the faint of heart. You had to be a special person to be a professional gambler.

Now, all you need is a computer and a lot of time.  It started with the lipstick camera and suddenly it was easy and exciting to watch on TV.  Then came the internet and now every schlub thinks they’re a poker-pro sitting in their mom’s basement at their computer well into the night. Everyone thinks they can play when they can’t, they all think they’re experts but they’re all just as bad as me.

You’re a whore, poker you let everyone and their god-damn mom (literally, my mom was playing poker and it made me want to vomit) into your felt covered vagina and all those douches can’t take away the stench, and for that, poker, you have been dismissed.

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