iPad Usage at Concerts: Dismissed.

Posted: October 10th, 2012 By: Yogurt Donor | Under: dismissed | Tags: , , , , ,
$100 concert ticket.  Thanks.

$100 concert ticket. Thanks.

The iPad is supposed to be the future.  But it sure doesn’t look like it when some lawyer, or Pharmaceutical Sales Rep., or some Industry Asshole,  in the front row of the concert you’re at is holding up a 10-inch screen to record the band.   It looks like what humans should have been doing in the 1980s.  It’s backwards.  Use your cell phone dude.  I don’t want to watch the concert I’m currently at on your iPad.

Though, it could be worse…

The future.

The future?

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Lame (mostly) Indie Band Names – You Have Been Dismissed

Posted: July 30th, 2009 By: Oedipus Red | Under: dismissed | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
These band names totally rule.

These band names totally rule.

Okay, so as a metal-leaning person I’m only writing about (mostly) more recent indie-ish band names that have left me wondering why most of the guys in these bands have larger fallopian tubes than I do. I’m not even touching the metal genre, really, because we all know that metal is kind of the origin of some of the most ridiculous band names ever (hello….Anal Cunt? Cannibal Corpse? Cattle Decapitaiton? Yeah, it’s been covered already).

And by the way: when I say ‘gay’ or ‘faggy’ it does not mean homosexual. I would never insult the gay community – as a culture that can appreciate a nice, big penis (on the boy’s side, at least) they would whole heartedly agree, I believe…

Scary Kids Scaring Kids
It’s just…gay. What the fuck does this mean? I’m so totally NOT scared, nor do I think this belongs in rock n’ roll. Anything with ‘kids’ in the band name is generally not something that your parents are going to ban you listening to. Which means it’s worthless.

Hoobastank
Actually, maybe this is brilliant. It does describe the sound of the band fairly well. And MAN is it stanky.

Cute Is What We Aim For
You have now succeeded in your ‘aim’ to not only be the faggiest band name ever, but you’ve also pronounced yourself as the band least likely to have big dicks and scare mommies. And dudes: you all have the most awful haircuts in emo. And stop whining, for Christ’s sake: we already know how horrible it is to be a young, white, skinny, well dressed, suburban, vanilla, middle-class douche, okay?

Does puke work as a styling aid?  I'd love to help them out.

Does puke work as a styling aid? I'd love to help them out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Limp Bizkit
I probably do not need to even explain by now, but at least the band was honest enough when they looked down their collective saggy, urine-soaked pants and decided upon a band name that fit both their music and their impotent talent. Except for that one guitar player who wore the weird makeup and tried to be kinda cool. Kinda, yeah.

Chiodos
It just sounds like something that comes out of your ass after eating 2 double chili cheeseburgers with jalapenos and drinking five 40’s of Olde English. Phheeuuww.

The Devil Wears Prada
Seriously…you’re supposed to be this bad-ass band, and you name yourselves (ironically, you might say?) after a reality-based book on the high fashion industry written by a trendy, romantically inclined completely mainstream chick who loves Jimmy Choos (these guys know what this means) and that was also made into a movie starring Meryl Streep that mothers and grandmothers and girls who wear tons of lip gloss went in droves to see a million times over? Gay, gay gay.

Every Time I Die, For The Fallen Dream, Here I Come Falling, Shadows Fall, Bless The Fall, Every Bridged Burned, From Autumn To Ashes, All That Remains, etc etc etc.
In the age of the internet, it’s astounding to me that someone in any of these bands didn’t do a quick Google search to see if their name sounded like or was similar to any other popular band that was out there. How many times can a band use ‘Fall’ in their name and be on the same tour with another band with ‘Fall’ in their name? Or have to have the same number of syllables as every other band does in their little scene? However, I do think the singer from Shadows Fall has bitchin’ dreadlocks.

ShadowsFall-Vocals

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panic! At The Disco
What does that mean? And why are they in rock magazines? Did the band form because they wanted to shock everyone at discotheques with their absolutely bland music that didn’t even have enough rhythm or style for a goddamn disco? If gold lamé and hairless, ball-less music had a name…

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Band meeting: “Hey, let’s come up with the catchiest band name ever…for people who suffer from that disease that Rainman had”. “AWESOME!!!”

Minus The Bear
Band meeting: “Let’s have a band name that really showcases how absolutely cool and weird we really think we are so that everyone really knows how absolutely indie and cool and fucking smart we really are”. “Nah, I’m too high. Let’s just go to that gay club that you always hang out at”. “But, I’m really in the mood for a Bear guy tonight, that club doesn’t attract those types”. “Well, maybe tonight you’ll just have to have a minus-the-bear night, for once”. “Oh shit, wait a minute……”

Jimmy Eat World
I like some of this band’s songs, but what the hell were they thinking? Not Jimmy EatS World, but EAT world. Huh?

The Academy Is…
Is what? And what is the Academy? And what does this have anything remotely to do with rock n’ roll, dudes? Pop another Ritalin and get back to me when you’re working at Kinko’s.

VHS Or Beta
Really now, this whole 80’s revival thing has gone WAY too far.

Billy Talent
Sounds like a name that some kid wanting to be famous makes up for himself in the 1960’s. He has freckles, wears checkered high-water pants, a bow-tie and gets his salad tossed by fake directors wearing handlebar mustaches in seedy Hollywood motel rooms. Poor Billy, he’s now living in an attic in Watts earning his living as Mr. T’s secret, white-boy gimp.

nerd

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Double Albums: You Have Been Dismissed.

Posted: December 1st, 2008 By: Yogurt Donor | Under: Music, Style, dismissed, people | Tags: , , , , , , ,

First of all, how many bands make ONE album worth of great material? An album where every song belongs? It does happen, but it is obviously extremely rare. So I find it very dickey when bands, in the name of being artists, decide that instead of giving their fans 3 good songs out of 15, why not give them 6 good songs out of 30? Read the rest of this entry »

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SCENE BANDS: You have been dismissed.

Posted: November 25th, 2008 By: Jesus Is My Middle Name | Under: Music, Style, dismissed, people | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco, Cobra Starship, The Maine, Mayday Parade, Metro Station, Big City Kids, All Time Low, Hellogoodbye, you are all dismissed, and any band who sounds like you, looks like you, or wants to be like you.
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